Day 010

   One.
   That's about what time it is now. Currently.
   Finally.
   One.
   I can't sleep. Again. This makes the third this week. A troubled mind never rests. Or at least, mine never does. Does that make me a troubled person? Or simply an insomniac? I would boast either at a time like this...
   Misunderstood. I think that is the correct word at a time like this. Three. That is now my magic little number. Three to one. That makes four. Two to two. Those are the odds now. Three to one. That's what the reality it. One to three. That's what I wish they were.
   Why do I keep this blog up? It's more of a story then anything. A story instead of a diary. A web journal, as was its intent. Ha ha, Google. I have successfully evaded your grasp once more.
   These past few days have intrigued me.
   The email.
   The note.
   The chat.
   The look.
   They all are the same, yet so enormously different. Each with its own little tale of existence. All four that were. Three that gladly would exist. One, a dream in my mind.
   Life is just interesting like that. How it throws you a curve ball at every waking moment.
   Sarah. That was her name. She's a nice girl. Seems to be a little on the naive side, but then, that's not necessary a hindrance. She simply walked to me and introduced herself. She knows more of my friends then I had previously expected. She's a nice girl...
   I've begun the slow recovery process today. Tomorrow, the forms and paperwork. Goodbye, Hobach. Good riddance.
   I miss the old days. Before the hell of my life began to unfold before me. I miss the table. The group. Kevin, Ian, Nick, Shannon, Tyler, Morgan, Carlos, and myself. The PSPs. The Gameboys. The WiFi. God those were fun days. Before the betrayal of a friend. Before the heartbreak of a lover. Before the awareness...
   I find myself more and more aware of the world around me. Even more so, myself. I know not as to why, but I feel as if I know myself better then I should. It scares me occasionally. Nipping me from behind and reminding me what I truly am. The darkness that sweeps over my soul.
   One. It's beyond that now. Rest has not dug in her sweet claws yet.
   There are those four... Five if you count the other. Though I haven't spoken to her in what feels like ages. I liked our little arguments. They kept me on my toes. She was a grand person. Perhaps today, I shall try to atone for my words....
   I desired her once. I suppose I still do. But that is also in the past. I shall try to convince her how sorry I truly am. Perhaps tell her how I truly care inside my blackened soul...
   I remember the day, as if it were still yesterday. The was she stood, so unsure as to what she should say. Of course, I already knew what she wanted to, but it would be foolish of me to point that out when she wanted so badly to say for herself. We stood, alone in an empty corridor of a room, the sounds of our classmates outside. I wanted to take her in my arms and coo her. I still do...
   I can't remember what her hugs felt like now... This is disappointing...
   The second, third, fourth and fifth. That truly is a lot. The four pasts of my heart. Each different in so many ways. The three that wish to return to the past, and the one that has yet to be told of it.
    What to do...
   Time, although not constant, it a piece of work.
   It never flows in my favor...